#NTS 17.4.20

Context:

My brain’s been doing some heavyweight thinking lately and this stream of thought entered my mind.

I remember a particular session with my therapist – we had discussed how some of the beliefs I had about myself would take time to go because they had been sedimenting for years.

I had spent the past 20 years of my life forming certain habits and certain thought patterns that did not benefit me, that did not help my sense of self-worth and that were dependent on my experiences of abuse as a kid.

I remember making a promise to myself then – that the first 20 years of my life hadn’t been influenced a lot by my choice. But I did plan to make sure that the next 20 years would be year filled with love and growth for me. I wanted to undo the influence my abusers had on me – to reteach myself that I deserved love.

I have been working on it, though progress is tough. Here is a thought from a couple of days back –


You have always believed in telling other people to love themselves, to respect themselves as they are.

I want you to think about yourself like that. Think for a moment about your hurt, what you carry. Think about what you promised yourself, for the next 20 years of your life.

Theres a part of you, you understand now. A part that is healing and needs love – reach out to it.

You are enough. As you are now. In this moment, with your beginning, with your hurt, with your dreams and wishes and your happiness. You are enough.

You dont have to be more for anyone. You dont have to conform to fit into somebody’s space for love. You will find somebody you connect with, and they will love you as you are. And you will learn to form the spaces in between each other. 

Hang in there.

Midnight Musings (13.3.20)

There is no easy fix for helping someone you love heal from their pain. That is a journey they have to take themselves. And the more they learn to walk on their path, the stronger they will be.

If you want to help, talk to them. Ask them what helps them as they learn how to heal. Ask them what their biggest fear is, see if you can offer them words that offer them relief. Be present, if they need a shoulder to lean on. Understand that it isn’t going to be an easy process, and know that your presence makes a great difference anyway. 

#NTS

Musings – 1.6.19

What keeps you inspired? What keeps you creative? What keeps you writing through the good days and the bad?

I have always had a haphazard approach to writing. A certain thought or certain mood could spur me to pen a poem or a story idea. Or the rainy weather could get me thinking of something new. Sometimes, the people I am observing inspire me and thoughts start flowing in my head.

Recently, I have been having a bit of a writer’s block. I’m in the midst of applying to new jobs and a little confused about which career would be the best suited for me. Maybe all the thinking has run my mind dry. It could also be the current dry spell hanging over Singapore.

Would love a thought or two on this 😉

While I am riding out the dry spell, here is something I penned recently for a job interview.


Jakarta

Metropolitan Jakarta appears to be a mess of high-rise buildings, busy highways, and grid-locked traffic. Beneath this rough exterior, however, lies the true pulse of the city. Replete with trendy bazaars, lively restaurants, and a vibrant nightlife, the city is full of pleasant surprises. Located on the northwest of Java Island, Jakarta’s warm and inviting spirit is a melting pot for diverse ethnic backgrounds.

Jeddah

Sun-dappled streets, alluring shades of blue and a sense of tranquillity define the sea-side port of Jeddah. A gateway to the holy cities of Mecca and Medina, Jeddah is the second largest city in Saudi Arabia, after the capital – Riyadh. Housing an amalgamation of the various people and cultures that pass through its doors, the city has modish cafes, tasteful architecture and a liberal air.    

Mumbai

Mumbai’s streets thrum with vibrance and chaos. Its palatial houses stand in stark contrast to sprawling slums, colonial-era architecture sits aside Indian monuments and celebrities and laborers alike battle its jam-packed roads.  This city of dreams is an eclectic mix of the old and new, traditional and modern, glamorous and ordinary. It has a place for people from all walks of life.

Decisions

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Since young, I have been told to make the “right decisions”. And for the longest time, I have done just that. I would put my needs second to anybody else because that was the right thing to do. I would not argue with my parents because it was the right thing to do. I forced myself not to hold grudges because it was the right thing to do.

But there is a huge problem with making the right decision. The right decision is an arbitrary aggregate of the decisions of a group of individuals. What is considered right changes with our society, our culture, our religion and the company we keep. Making decisions based on what is right is essentially comparing it to the decisions of tons of other individuals and seeing if it matches. Why should we have to do that? Why should anybody else’s decision determine yours?

The only decision you should be focusing on is your own. If you had to make your decision, do it based on what feels good to you.