7.6.20

There’s a feeling I have been trying to place for some time. Something about loss, something about things being irreversible, something about grasping at empty feelings.

I can’t trace it. It feels like I run and run and run at it but I can’t hold it, and I cannot understand it.

It’s something to do with having a strict upbringing in a protective family… being taught that there are ways a girl behaves… being taught that sex before marriage is wrong. It’s something to do with the irony that you have grown up with a history of sexual abuse in the very strict family with its very strict norms… unprotected. It’s something to do with the idea of being brought up to believe that family is everything , family is made up of your uncle and aunts, your cousins and every other relative in the line and learning one day that the very cousins you have grown up with… have broken your trust and abused you.

It’s something to do with growing up with repressed memories that break through one day when you are sitting in a class for sexual education.

It’s something to do with years of feeling like you had something to hide but you didn’t know why. Something about years of hating your body once you know, feeling disgusted and angry and helpless. It’s something about struggling with loving yourself, trusting others and having faith years after all of it is done. It’s something about grasping the idea that something has happened 15,16,17 years ago and the numbers keep adding but there’s nothing you can do to punish them.

It’s a lingering feeling. Maybe some day I’ll put my finger on it. Today, I’ll make do with writing it down.

Repose

Give yourself enough time

Give yourself a break

You will drift into the shadows of life

and that isn’t too bad.

The shade will calm you and

the darkness will be your friend.


“Sometimes, we just need to take a step back from life and take a deep breath; let things be for a little while. Some times, doing does not get us anywhere. Constantly doing or chasing something is tiring and it takes energy from us.

Sometimes, the best thing to do is to sit and catch our breath.”


Musings – 1.6.19

What keeps you inspired? What keeps you creative? What keeps you writing through the good days and the bad?

I have always had a haphazard approach to writing. A certain thought or certain mood could spur me to pen a poem or a story idea. Or the rainy weather could get me thinking of something new. Sometimes, the people I am observing inspire me and thoughts start flowing in my head.

Recently, I have been having a bit of a writer’s block. I’m in the midst of applying to new jobs and a little confused about which career would be the best suited for me. Maybe all the thinking has run my mind dry. It could also be the current dry spell hanging over Singapore.

Would love a thought or two on this 😉

While I am riding out the dry spell, here is something I penned recently for a job interview.


Jakarta

Metropolitan Jakarta appears to be a mess of high-rise buildings, busy highways, and grid-locked traffic. Beneath this rough exterior, however, lies the true pulse of the city. Replete with trendy bazaars, lively restaurants, and a vibrant nightlife, the city is full of pleasant surprises. Located on the northwest of Java Island, Jakarta’s warm and inviting spirit is a melting pot for diverse ethnic backgrounds.

Jeddah

Sun-dappled streets, alluring shades of blue and a sense of tranquillity define the sea-side port of Jeddah. A gateway to the holy cities of Mecca and Medina, Jeddah is the second largest city in Saudi Arabia, after the capital – Riyadh. Housing an amalgamation of the various people and cultures that pass through its doors, the city has modish cafes, tasteful architecture and a liberal air.    

Mumbai

Mumbai’s streets thrum with vibrance and chaos. Its palatial houses stand in stark contrast to sprawling slums, colonial-era architecture sits aside Indian monuments and celebrities and laborers alike battle its jam-packed roads.  This city of dreams is an eclectic mix of the old and new, traditional and modern, glamorous and ordinary. It has a place for people from all walks of life.