#NTS 17.4.20

Context:

My brain’s been doing some heavyweight thinking lately and this stream of thought entered my mind.

I remember a particular session with my therapist – we had discussed how some of the beliefs I had about myself would take time to go because they had been sedimenting for years.

I had spent the past 20 years of my life forming certain habits and certain thought patterns that did not benefit me, that did not help my sense of self-worth and that were dependent on my experiences of abuse as a kid.

I remember making a promise to myself then – that the first 20 years of my life hadn’t been influenced a lot by my choice. But I did plan to make sure that the next 20 years would be year filled with love and growth for me. I wanted to undo the influence my abusers had on me – to reteach myself that I deserved love.

I have been working on it, though progress is tough. Here is a thought from a couple of days back –


You have always believed in telling other people to love themselves, to respect themselves as they are.

I want you to think about yourself like that. Think for a moment about your hurt, what you carry. Think about what you promised yourself, for the next 20 years of your life.

Theres a part of you, you understand now. A part that is healing and needs love – reach out to it.

You are enough. As you are now. In this moment, with your beginning, with your hurt, with your dreams and wishes and your happiness. You are enough.

You dont have to be more for anyone. You dont have to conform to fit into somebody’s space for love. You will find somebody you connect with, and they will love you as you are. And you will learn to form the spaces in between each other. 

Hang in there.

Midnight Musings (13.3.20)

There is no easy fix for helping someone you love heal from their pain. That is a journey they have to take themselves. And the more they learn to walk on their path, the stronger they will be.

If you want to help, talk to them. Ask them what helps them as they learn how to heal. Ask them what their biggest fear is, see if you can offer them words that offer them relief. Be present, if they need a shoulder to lean on. Understand that it isn’t going to be an easy process, and know that your presence makes a great difference anyway. 

#NTS

Love

I think love scares us because to be without it, is to be empty 

And we are so scared of losing what makes us feel special. 

But I think we forget sometimes, 

that what you love never leaves your side.

It is immortal; It stays

as a wisp of memory hanging on your lips, waiting to be uttered

resting beneath your eyelids, teasing your imagination time and again

In the sounds, and the voices and the music that you hear

dancing to tunes you didn’t know were ringing in your head.

These Nights

These nights, these nights, these hazy nights

Eyes wide open, mind unclear

These days, these days, these days

Things just dont feel right

Eyes wide open, heart unsure

I’ve been here before, I can’t say I dont know

I’ve walked down these roads before, sat through the same show

I know how it all ends, I know just how this going to go

You see, the map has changed, the terrains will shift,

the weather won’t be the same anymore

But there will be a new path to follow

Because with change, comes healing.

– For the minds that continue to race into the depths of the night